Recycling Pantyhose– A Zillion Household Uses

Oh why, does that word make me cringe? Wrinkly, droopy, evil. The word itself should have an odd odor to it.

So having a good day, huh? Oh, I’m sorry. You put your fingernail through your pantyhose as you were putting them on?

Happens to the best of us.

Well, instead of tossing them away. Let’s find some other uses.

Anything that could be tied together at my grandparents house was done so with old pantyhose. It was very festive. Taupe, off black, charcoal, nude.

Ah, there are a million uses.

Plant ties:
For staking wobbly plants like tomatoes, pantyhose are giving enough to not strangle growth.

Sprout strainer:
If you choose to grow sprouts…a very economical endeavor indeed… cover your jar, that you have cleaned and saved from, perhaps, tomato sauce, with a bit of nylon for the rinsing process.

Rubber bands:
Just snip a thin tube o’ leg. Ta Da! Rubber band. Waist band equals giant rubber band.

Maggot barriers for fruit trees:
This is a longer bit of leg that you actually slide over every dad-blasted apple in your orchard, assuming you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and alot of time

Here is my absolute favorite:

My grandfather was telling my mom about how he fixed his vehicle on the side of the road and used a pair he had in the glove compartment to protect his hair. Classic!

Being mortified, she called my aunt.

“Oh, please tell me he at least cut the legs off first!”

“I don’t know, but he did say the leg holes were knotted.”

“Were they cotton crotch?”

“Oh dear, I didn’t even think of that. Just picture him amid all the traffic. Pigtails and a cotton crotch hat. I wonder how many crashed their cars giggling.”

“We are lucky they didn’t lock him in the Booby Hatch.”

I made the mistake of sharing this story with my best friend. That Xmas my gift was topped with a lovely, ornate bow that she had crafted out of several months worth of colorful hose. She still fancies herself funny. Off to the Booby Hatch for her, too.

Please leave a comment with the best or weirdest uses of which you have heard for that magnificent miracle of modern science: pantyhose.

Oooo! hey, look at the randomly generated possible related blog enteries below. Leave it to a computer to think anything could be related to my grandfather’s wrinkly bunny ears, cotton crotch hair net.

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Published in: on January 28, 2009 at 12:06 am  Comments (9)  

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. […] the real title of this post from Recession Depression Therapy is Recycling Pantyhose—A Zillion Household Uses. No giggling aloud… We learned a thing or […]

  2. Pantyhoses can help to cover up the blemishes on your legs, and also keep you warm in cold weather.

  3. If you find a link to a crotched pantyhose scrubber, please e-mail it to me or leave it here.
    I’d love to include it in this Fridays “Neighborly Advice” magazine.
    Thanks for the visit.
    May I offer you a warm lemon poppy seed muffin.

  4. Loved the story about reusing the panty hose during car repairs. Very funny! I have also heard of people using panty hoses in crafting. Such as crocheting with them to create different projects such as scrubbers and bags.

  5. […] foods you should buy organic, and which it’s okay to buy conventional…” Neighbor Nancy presents Recycling Pantyhose– A Zillion Household Uses posted at Recession Depression Therapy. Neighbor Nancy says, “No giggling aloud…no matter how […]

  6. Oh no! Poor woobie! I guess it’s a true tragedy that the ENTIRE INTERNET can’t be porn!

    I find it incredibly amusing that a woman’s list of uses for pantyhose has aroused (hee!)your ire. Funny. I mean, really! How dare she?!

    Asshat. I’m talking Cat in the Hat level of asshattery.

    Made of recycled PANTY HOSE of course.

  7. You are absolutely correct. I will rename. Guess it couldn’t be further from what you were hoping for.

  8. Maaaan, you know there is such thing in the web like search engine, http://google.com if you don’t, go there to understand why this post is bullshit

  9. Panty hose! Hah! I’d forgotten about that bow. Thank dog I’m in a business casual office these days.

    But, yeah. They’re useful things once recycled. I had to get a few pairs for job interviews this fall. They didn’t get me the jobs, but those laundered *panty hose* (really, that phrase deserves a special voice) came in handy for growing sprouts. And I’ve got reserves for tying back tomatoes this year – woot!

    Someday, though, I’ll find the occasion to sport them as headwear. Your birthday, perhaps?


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