July 1, 2009
Dear Ms. BossyPants,
It has come to the attention of the neighborhood that you are with-holding your mother’s Blueberry Buckle recipe.
While we respect ( sort of ) your right to horde your recipe as a state secret, we must insist that you deliver aforementioned recipe before the end of blueberry season.
The neighborhood has chosen to take the following course should you choose to with-hold that delicious recipe.
1. We will personally bring all the aphids from our gardens up to your 3rd story bug free porch garden.
2. We will put a thriple batch of very stiff bread dough into your antique KitchenAid and turn it on high.
3. We will purchase all of the bulletin boards along the highway and plaster them with your portrait — that you so love taken –for the whole of traffic to enjoy
4. We will force you to eat rhubarb crunch with the big stringy chunks you love so well.
Should none of these actions inspire the sharing of that Blueberry Buckle recipe, we will be forced to pray on your phobias.
A. Mammoth Sunflowers
B. Squeaky Cottonballs
C. The noise the coyotes make when they take something down.
Please reply as soon as possible.
Sincerly drooling for blueberry buckle,