Oh why, does that word make me cringe? Wrinkly, droopy, evil. The word itself should have an odd odor to it.
So having a good day, huh? Oh, I’m sorry. You put your fingernail through your pantyhose as you were putting them on?
Happens to the best of us.
Well, instead of tossing them away. Let’s find some other uses.
Anything that could be tied together at my grandparents house was done so with old pantyhose. It was very festive. Taupe, off black, charcoal, nude.
Ah, there are a million uses.
For staking wobbly plants like tomatoes, pantyhose are giving enough to not strangle growth.
If you choose to grow sprouts…a very economical endeavor indeed… cover your jar, that you have cleaned and saved from, perhaps, tomato sauce, with a bit of nylon for the rinsing process.
Just snip a thin tube o’ leg. Ta Da! Rubber band. Waist band equals giant rubber band.
Maggot barriers for fruit trees:
This is a longer bit of leg that you actually slide over every dad-blasted apple in your orchard, assuming you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and alot of time
Here is my absolute favorite:
My grandfather was telling my mom about how he fixed his vehicle on the side of the road and used a pair he had in the glove compartment to protect his hair. Classic!
Being mortified, she called my aunt.
“Oh, please tell me he at least cut the legs off first!”
“I don’t know, but he did say the leg holes were knotted.”
“Were they cotton crotch?”
“Oh dear, I didn’t even think of that. Just picture him amid all the traffic. Pigtails and a cotton crotch hat. I wonder how many crashed their cars giggling.”
“We are lucky they didn’t lock him in the Booby Hatch.”
I made the mistake of sharing this story with my best friend. That Xmas my gift was topped with a lovely, ornate bow that she had crafted out of several months worth of colorful hose. She still fancies herself funny. Off to the Booby Hatch for her, too.
Please leave a comment with the best or weirdest uses of which you have heard for that magnificent miracle of modern science: pantyhose.
Oooo! hey, look at the randomly generated possible related blog enteries below. Leave it to a computer to think anything could be related to my grandfather’s wrinkly bunny ears, cotton crotch hair net.